


My Turn to be Brave

by totaltozier (strangestolive)



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Fluff, IT - Freeform, IT 2019, M/M, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), and stan never died either, basically where i fix everything, confessing emotions, it chapter 2 - Freeform, it chapter one, just to cope with my emotions, the one where eddie doesnt die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 05:44:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20634068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangestolive/pseuds/totaltozier
Summary: “It’ll be okay, Richie,” Beverly said to him softly. “They’re going to help him.” Richie nodded. He pushed his glasses away from his eyes to wipe his tears. He knew the doctors were doing everything in their power to save Eddie but he couldn’t help but think of the worst possible outcome.Eddie almost dies and Richie decides to be brave.





	My Turn to be Brave

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to say no thank you to andy muschietti and stephen king for trying to kill my son edward kaspbrak. they obviously didn't know the power of fanfic writers to undo their messes.

Richie struggled to breathe as he watched Eddie’s body dangle over top of him, the blood spraying over his body as he barely whispered Richie’s name before he was thrown across the room by Pennywise. 

“Eddie!” Richie pushed himself from the ground and ran to his friend as fast as he could. “Eddie, Eddie. It’s okay, are you okay?” He gently rolled Eddie onto his back. He could hear the footsteps of the others behind him. 

Eddie winced at the pain. “I’m alright, just hurts a little.” His voice was soft. Richie could see the pain in his eyes. He looked down at his torso. The wound was so large and had too much blood rushing out. Richie quickly took his jacket off and pressed it to the wound, trying to stop the blood as best he could. 

“You’re gonna be okay, I’m going to get you out of here okay, Eds?” Richie cried. “We gotta get him out of here guys!” Richie cried to the others. 

“Rich, we have to kill Pennywise first, we can’t leave yet,” Beverly told him gently. 

“Then kill him fast!” Richie shouted. “Go, I’m not leaving Eddie.”

The others ran back into the cavern. Richie could hear them yelling at the clown but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Eddie. He pressed his jacket onto Eddie a little harder, desperate to slow down the bleeding. 

“It’s going to be okay, Eds.” Richie’s voice was soft and almost inaudible behind his tears. “Just focus on me okay, I’m gonna get you out of here, I can still help you.” Eddie nodded at Richie’s words. His eyes slowly started to close. Richie knew he was tired but he wasn’t going to lose him. “Hey, hey, hey, look at me Eddie, please.” 

Eddie looked at Richie with a soft smile. “Rich, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it, Eddie?” He looked at him with worried eyes, his heart pounding furiously in his chest.

“I,” Eddie took a deep breath. “I fucked your mom.” Eddie let out a small laugh before wincing at the pain.

Richie stared at the man in front of him. “Shut up, Eds.” He couldn’t even think of a comeback.

Eddie coughed. “Don’t call me that.”

“We need to get out of here right now!” Beverly came running back down to them with the rest of their friends quickly behind. 

“This place is about to collapse, we gotta go!” Bill said as he leaned down to help Eddie up. Mike swooped in on the other side to help carry the weight as they made their way back through the cave entrance and out of the sewers. 

Richie doesn’t remember much from that moment forward. All he could focus on was Eddie Eddie Eddie. He remembers all of them shoving into the back Mike’s station wagon as he rushed them all to the hospital. Richie can somewhat see his hands wrapped around Eddie’s, holding onto him for dear life. 

The waiting room was cold. His chair was uncomfortable. The coffee from the late-night cafeteria was cold and too bitter for Richie. He wasn’t sure how long they had been sitting there for. Once they got to the hospital the nurses rushed Eddie away behind the big doors where only patients and doctors were allowed. Beverly had managed to calm him down. She sat down next to him on the cold plastic chairs, smoothing her hand across his back as he leaned over his knees. 

“It’ll be okay, Richie.” She said to him softly. “They’re going to help him.” Richie nodded. He pushed his glasses away from his eyes to wipe his tears. He knew the doctors were doing everything in their power to save Eddie but he couldn’t help but think of the worst possible outcome. 

The losers had been at the hospital for a few hours. A few of them had fallen asleep, tired after having defeated a killer clown and fighting for their own lives. Richie tried falling asleep but every time he closed his eyes the image of Eddie being stabbed and thrown across the cavern kept playing over and over in his mind. The way Eddie softly whispered his name as his hands moved down to feel the sharp claw that was pierced through his body haunted his thoughts. The best he could do was lean his head against Bill’s shoulder and try to think of anything else. 

Richie tried to picture a happy memory. His mind wandered back to his childhood. A memory that was only recently returned to his mind. He could see himself resting on the hammock in their clubhouse. He was about fifteen or so, the age was hard to place but he could see Eddie’s face as clear as day. The smaller boy was laying across from him, his feet propped up by Richie’s face, his socked toes hitting his comic book every so often. It was just them, the other losers were probably on their way to find them, but Eddie and Richie had decided to spend some time at the clubhouse right after school instead of going home. It was one of the few times where things were quiet, Richie wasn’t mouthing off at Eddie and he wasn’t throwing anything back. Just the two of them enjoying each others company as they handed comic books back and forth between them, sharing their favourite scenes. Richie could remember the small smile on Eddie’s face as he handed him a page to read. 

“Thanks, Rich,” Eddie said with his brown eyes shining in the stream of light floating in from the roof.

Richie would do anything to see Eddie’s eyes shine like that again. He could feel the tears building up behind his glasses again. He took them off to wipe at his eyes. Maybe if he didn’t have his glasses on he wouldn’t be able to see his worst fear every time he closed his eyes. 

“Richie Tozier?” A nurse stepped out from behind the big, pale blue hospital doors. “Is there a Richie here?” 

Richie fumbled his glasses back on and stood up as fast as his aching body could. “Yeah, that’s, uh, I’m Richie.” He stared at the nurse, waiting for her to either make or break his heart with whatever she was going to say next. 

“Mr. Kaspbrak is asking for you. Follow me.” She turned back to walk through the doors. 

Richie let out the biggest breath of relief. “Oh thank God.” He followed the nurse through the doors and down the hallway to Eddie’s room. She stopped him just outside the closed door. 

She held a clipboard in her hands. “His surgery was successful. Luckily no major organs were punctured, his lungs were just missed although a few ribs were broken. He just woke up from the anesthesia but he is on painkillers and may be somewhat out of it. We also stitched up the stab wound on his cheek too. A nurse will be back in about an hour to check on him and assess his charts again. Other than that, everything seems okay and he should make a proper recovery.” Richie nodded at the information, a thousand thoughts running through his mind. Thank God none of Eddie’s organs were punctured when Pennywise stabbed him. Richie was right, that clown was a sloppy bitch. “You’re free to go in.” The nurse nodded towards the door before walking away down the hallway to the nurse's station. 

Richie placed his hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath as he turned it and let himself in. Eddie was laying on a hospital bed with wires and tubes attached to him. The soft beeping of various machines could be heard behind the soft hum of the air conditioner. Eddie had his eyes closed, Richie wasn’t sure if he was asleep or not so he approached quietly and with caution.

“Eddie. Eds?” Richie said softly as he brought the visitor chair closer to the bed and lowered himself onto it. “Eds, it’s Richie.”

Eddie slowly opened his eyes and looked over at him. “Hi Rich.” He reached a hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes. “I must have dozed off.”

“That’s alright,” Richie said. “The nurse told me you’re all drugged up right now.” Richie glanced over Eddie’s body. Taking in the pale green hospital gown and the grey socks on his feet. The bandage on his cheek had been replaced with a clean one and Richie could tell that the doctors had done their best to actually clean him up and remove most of the blood on him. “How are you feeling?” Richie asked.

Eddie took a deep breath. “I’m alright. Everything kind of hurts but I guess that’s what happens when you’re ripped open then sewn back together again.” Richie frowned at the image of it all. “The nurses said I’ll be okay,” Eddie reassured Richie. He reached out for Richie’s hand and held it in his. Richie’s large hand was much warmer than his but it felt comforting. “I’m still here Rich, we’re both here and we killed It.”

Richie nodded and gave Eddie a warm smile. “Yeah, we’re both here.” He gave Eddie’s hand a slight squeeze when they heard a knock on the door. 

Beverly slowly peeked her head through the door and Eddie could see the others standing behind her. “Can we come in?” She asked sweetly. 

Eddie nodded, “Yes, come in.” The other losers walked into the room and they all surrounded Eddie, asking him how he felt, telling him some jokes, talking about whatever came to mind. Richie observed his friends. All of them together safe and happy. He took a mental image of this memory, it was one he never wanted to forget. When they were fighting It he wasn’t sure if this moment was going to happen. He thought they were all going to die down there. The moment was relieving. They were all safe and didn’t have to live in fear any longer. 

Eventually, everyone had to go back home. Beverly had to sort out her divorce with her husband and collect her things. She was moving in with Ben and finally getting her well deserved happily ever after. Mike left Derry, his plans of visiting Florida were finally coming true. Bill went home to Audra and actually thought of a good ending for his book for once. Stan had his vacation with Patty coming up and knew that she would want to prepare together.

Eddie had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks until he was well enough to be discharged. Richie stayed with him every day he was there, only leaving to go back to the townhouse to shower and sleep. His manager had called multiple times asking about where he was and when he coming back but Richie couldn’t give him a date until he had talked things through with Eddie. 

Richie was sitting on the edge of Eddie’s bed watching a bad sitcom on the hospital TV when Eddie sprung it upon him. “I’m divorcing Myra.” Richie’s head practically whipped around to look at him. “I called my lawyer before we even fought It. Your jokes may have been shitty and fucking rude but it made me realize something.” 

“What do you mean, Eds?” Richie asked. He still hadn’t told Eddie how he felt. The truth about everything, his encounter with Pennywise all those years ago, his actual fears, how his heart burned for his best friend. Maybe, just maybe, Eddie felt the same way.

“Being back here with everyone, it brought back so many memories. Things that I didn’t know I had forgotten, feelings that suddenly explained a lot about myself.” Richie watched him with those big doe eyes from behind his glasses. Eddie looked down at his hands. There was still dried blood under his nails and small cuts against his knuckles. Eddie a week ago would have rushed to the bathroom to rid himself of the dirt and grime but at this moment he realized that he just didn’t care anymore. “I married my fucking mom, Rich. That woman messed me up so bad that I was convinced that I needed someone just like her in my life till death do us part. Maybe if I had never left Derry and never lost those memories of all of you telling me that I was better than my mom and that I was strong and brave then I would have never found myself in the most miserable, never-ending situation to ever exist.”

“I thought fighting an immortal murderous clown was the most miserable thing in your life?” Richie joked instinctively. He knew Eddie was trying to be serious with him but Richie couldn’t help but hope his friend, the man who he secretly loved, was going to say what he had always dreamt of him saying.

“Beep beep, Richie.” Eddie returned with a roll of his eyes. “I deserve someone better than Myra. Someone who actually loves and cares for me in a non-manipulative way. Someone who is actually the gender that I am attracted to.”

Richie swallowed. “Eds, are you saying-“

“I’m gay Rich.” Eddie let out a shaky breath. “I’m pretty sure I always have been. I always told myself that it was wrong and horrible and dirty to like other boys but that was my mom and fucking Bowers haunting my thoughts.” Eddie reached out towards Richie who easily gave his hand to him. “But being with my actual friends, the losers club, I finally found clarity and that none of those thoughts are true. Being gay doesn’t make me dirty or wrong, they make me Eddie.” 

Richie smiled at him. “You’re so brave Eds.” Richie thought that Eddie was the bravest man he had ever met. Eddie, the one who swam through greywater, got stabbed by pennywise, divorced his wife, and just came out to his childhood friend was hands down more brave than Richie had ever felt. He hadn’t even said it out loud to himself yet, the secret of liking boys his whole life, specifically Eddie had still gone unspoken. “In fact, I think that you’re the bravest person to ever exist.” He gave Eddie’s hand a long and tight squeeze, never wanting to let go. 

Eddie was discharged two days later. The nurse had wheeled Eddie out of the hospital with a long list of prescriptions in his hand (mostly pain medication and antibiotics) while Richie had run to fetch his car. Eddie thanked the nurse as Richie helped him into the seat and buckled him up. They had agreed to head back to the Derry Townhouse to gather their things before planning to leave the next day, but Richie had decided to take them on a quick detour. It was his turn to be brave. 

Richie pulled off to the right of the road just before the red covered bridge began. He unbuckled himself and circled the car to open Eddie’s door.

“Why are we at the old kissing bridge?” Eddie asked him. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t started to doze off on the short car ride home and didn’t notice where Richie had brought them.

“I need to show you something.” He simply answered. The bridge held a lot of memories. Some good, others bad. Richie remembered Ben telling him about Bowers and his gang cutting into him before falling down the hill to save himself. He remembers biking through the bridge with Stan as the leaves changed from green to their autumn shades. He remembers almost falling through one of the floorboards while on a walk because the bridge was just so damn old. But the most vivid memory he had was biking there after running away from pennywise and that awful Paul Bunyan statue when he was called those horrible words by Henry Bowers at the Capitol Theatre. 

He wrapped an arm around Eddie, supporting him as he walked towards the specific spot. Stopping in front of the carving, Richie knew that now was the time. “You were so brave telling me what you did the other day. I guess now it’s my turn to be brave too.” Richie crouched down before the railing and ran his fingers over the old and slightly faded carving he made when he was thirteen years old. R + E. “I carved this after fucking Henry Bowers called me a fairie for asking his cousin if he wanted to play more street fighter. I wasn’t trying to be weird or even gay, I really wasn’t, I just- we were having fun and I wanted him to stick around a little longer, it was the first time I think I had smiled since the whole group split up that summer.” Richie wasn’t looking at Eddie. Just staring at the carved out initials surrounded by hundreds of others. “I don’t know why I came here, of all places, the fucking kissing bridge. I hadn’t even been kissed by another person when I was thirteen except for my great aunt Linda.” He let out a small laugh. “I carved our initials though. It felt right. Maybe because you always made me feel safe, even if you did drive me crazy with your doctor shit, or maybe deep down I knew you would never call me those horrible names.”

Richie stood back up, now looking at Eddie who had been watching him carefully the whole time as he spoke. “Maybe it was because I was in love with my best friend but I was too scared to tell him or anyone else because telling people that you have gay feelings for your best friend is a really fucking scary thing to do and even as I’m saying it right now I’m still scared shitless, Eds.” Richie could feel his heart pounding behind his chest. It didn’t matter that Eddie was gay and that he had told him. It didn’t matter that he knew Eddie wasn’t going to disown him for liking men as well. What mattered was that after 27 years and almost watching him die in front of his very own eyes, Richie was terrified that Eddie would decide that this, that Richie was too much to handle. “It’s been 27 years and even though I forgot that you existed, I’m still in love with you. I never stopped.”

As quickly as Eddie could, he closed the short distance between them, wrapping his arms around Richie’s tall frame and holding him as close to his body as he possibly could. “Fuck Rich.” Eddie let go of his hold and grabbed Richie's hand, tugging him along the railing a few feet away. “Come here.” Eddie pointed to the bottom of the wood where a carved out heart was. E + R. “Carved it that same summer. Snuck out while my mom was taking a nap. I missed all of my friends but out of everyone I missed you the most.”

“Eddie,” Richie exhaled with a smile.

“I love you too, Richie.” Eddie softly confessed. “I have for 27 years.”

Richie stepped forward, cradling Eddie’s face in his hands as he dipped down, pressing his lips onto Eddie’s. Eddie’s soft lips felt like a dream against his own. Richie realized that his own were probably chapped (he never wore enough chapstick and talking constantly always dried them out) and made a mental to note to start carrying around lip balm. Eddie kissed him back, strong and passionately. His hands easily found themselves on Richie’s waist, gripping the fabric of Richie’s shirt. It seemed too good to be true as if that fucking clown was going to pop up at any moment and tell Richie that it was all a nightmare and Eddie was really dead down in the sewers of Derry. But it wasn’t. Eddie was there, kissing him as if he was the air he breathed and telling Richie that he loved him. 

Eddie loves him.

Despite not wanting to moment to stop, Richie pulled back gently, resting his forehead against Eddie’s. “What now?” He asked Eddie, almost out of breath from kissing the man of his dreams.

“We go home and spend the rest of our lives together.” Eddie simply stated. “Unless that’s not what you want because-“

Richie cut him off. “That’s exactly what I want, spaghetti man,” Richie said with a huge smile. 

Eddie laughed. “Never mind, I take it back if that’s what you’re going to call me.” 

“You don’t mean that.” Richie teases and he shook his head, leaning back in to kiss Eddie again. 

“I definitely do not mean it,” Eddie mumbles against his lips. “C’mon.” Eddie ran his hands down Richie’s arms from where they had been settled on the taller man’s shoulders before tugging him back towards the car. “Let's head home,” Eddie said as Richie helped him back into his spot.

They hadn’t figured everything out. They knew that they would have to go back to Eddie’s shared house with Myra to get all of his things. They had to decide where they were going to live, someplace where they could build their forever with one another (and maybe a few Pomeranians too). Somewhere that they could call home. 

They hadn’t figured it out but they were okay knowing that they had the rest of their lives together to do it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm emotionally unwell. come say hi to me on tumblr @ totaltozier


End file.
